Jan 22, 2010

How I wish the phone would ring!!!

Again after a hiatus, I write... And this time it is another weak attempt at short story, one which I had written a while ago... Here it goes..

"Its 2:00 am and I am still waiting for the phone to ring. My desperation to hear his voice has reached its zenith. "Why hasn't he called?" is the only thing that I can think of. My mind is forming all the formidable possibilities of the answers to the question where as my heart is hoping these thoughts be proved wrong.

Its 2:30 am now, and he still has not called. Six long hours have passed since we last talked, since we last fought. I want to call him but I fear - I fear that I might enrage him further, push his anger beyond his control. All I can think about now is him. All I can think about all the time is him. His voice is that force, that power that energizes me through the day. He is all that I had ever hoped for, all that I ever wanted. I know it in my heart that I do not deserve him. I can only wish to be good enough for him. But God has been kind enough to gift him to me. And I had messed it up again, as usual. Why did I have to do things to invoke his anger? Why did I have to behave the way I did? Why did I have to be the person I am? Maybe God wants me to realize I am no good for him. I ALREADY KNOW IT. Every single day that has passed since I met him,bears witness to the fact that I do not deserve him. And yet, I am lying here on my bed, unappreciative and waiting, waiting for him to forgive me for my misgivings and accept me and my flaws with open arms. I wish saying sorry would help, but what should I say sorry for - sorry for being the person I am? If I could do anything to mold myself into someone who deserves him, trust me, I would. But I guess wanting is not enough. And anyways it would be such a gargantuan task, that even if I put in Herculean effort all through my life, I would not succeed.
Therefore all I can do is wait..."

Jan 4, 2010

Life, as I see it...

Life is not perfect... Every single person on Earth knows that (excepting kids, of course)... But why can it not be close to perfect??? Why does everyone have to go through a lot of crap in life??? Why do problems haunt everyone's life??? Is it to teach us petty human beings a lesson - a lesson that we cannot have everything served to us on a golden platter??? Granted, hardships in life are those inseparable parts of life which lead us to be what we are... But why do hardships have to be so bloody hard???

Every relationship shared by two persons faces its own ups and downs... But are the downs the end of life??? No, they are not... We feel extremely helpless when we are faced with the downs in our lives... But should these downs come in the way of the ups as well... It is not easy to forget, but won't forgetting the downs help everyone??? Well, I face a lot of turmoil when these downs happen to me... What am I supposed to do??? Cry and let fate take control over my life??? Or get my ass down and do something to change it??? But that is not enough... To take a stand and try to change the downs would involve other people's feelings as well... Do they want a change or do they want fate to take control??? If someone you care deeply about is hurt by your actions, you are supposed to change the action... Undoing it is impossible, so not repeating it is the best option... But here comes the next question, should you or should you not change yourself, let go off yourself in order to satisfy the other important people in your life... These questions baffle me all the time... Our future is the consequence of our present actions... So the present action is the most imporant thing in life... Setting your present well would secure your future... Life is not a straight and smooth highway... It is like a maze or a network of roads... Some of them might be smooth, some might not... All the roads lead to different destinations... It is your call to choose the road of life, and reach the destination...