May 8, 2009

The eyes say it all...

My first attempt at fiction, after reading numerous creative pieces by fellow bloggers!

She lay on the edge of the bed, facing the wall - thinking what went wrong and when...

He lay on the other side, having the same thoughts...

Both of them wanted the same thing - the warmth of each other's bodies close to them... A smug hug while wading away to the land of blissful dreams... But both of them were egoistic to an extent not to accept the truth...

Somewhere in the background, a marriage was proceeding with the loud music and jest of all the guests... They remembered how happy they had been on their marriage and afterwards... The honeymoon in Italy, the stealing kisses at their folk's place... How they longed for it!

And then suddenly, crash came the window of the next room... Both of them were startled and got up... He asked her to stay and went to inspect with a vase in his hand... He returned shortly and said there was nothing... That was it... That was enough to make them realise their folly... Both embraced each other lovingly, and looked at each other... Their eyes said it all... 



It is my first story... Please leave a comment and let me know how you did not/did like it!!! :)

28 comments:

the poet manque said...

ms goody goody mushy mushy stuff

why dont try some 55 fiction

the way u write u will surely be good at it

i have trouble rounding off my scrips sometime


gr8 goin

the poet manque said...

why dont add this to ur story


lyin on each side of bed
reading faces left thoughts unread
an year long promise to give it all
i still wait for u to embrace my soul

i watch the ceiling at night when u sleep
wonderin if i am there in the dreams you keep
not to disturb i toss around
whispering i love you wishing you could make my sound

my heart wrenches when i watch u watchin that ceiling
i feel a silent fear from that unknown feeling
i search your hand to embrace
but all i watch from the window is night peeling



well i was overwhelmed when i wrote this i wanted to continue but couldn't

Dazed by the Light I See... said...

u write wonderfully!!!
oh my god!!!

the poet manque said...

adulations!

neways the inspiration lies above

so hats off to ya

the poet manque said...

well this is the first time i left a poem half done

but u r an artist as well so it does needs ur help

neways

though it looks good half done too

their is a beauty of its own when its not complete

the poet manque said...

continued...

....search your hand to embrace
but all i watch from the window is night peeling...


Pictures on the wall show me how time flies
to ease my soul i close my tear filled eyes
and i turn around to catch your glimpse
my heart skipped a beat when i saw my love triumph


then they kept on staring
hands on each other's face...caring
she wiped her tears ans he kissed hers away
their eyes said it all letting the time sway

the poet manque said...

i wrote a so long whea is it gone


this internet sux

i continued the poem but i lost it

i think it is destined to be incomplete

Dazed by the Light I See... said...

this is soooooo awesome!!!

Oh my god... oh my god!!!

You are one of the best poets I have ever read!!!

the poet manque said...

wohh

twas not deleted


m so HAPPY

the poet manque said...

well i am flattered like anything


* brings his feet on ground*

may be u are reading poetry for the first time

preposterous girl said...

Sorrry to interrupt the beautiful literary session..But had to say just one word "Briliant" to both of u!

Dazed by the Light I See... said...

thanks preposterous girl :D

Archana said...

Hey girlie :) Good job at your first attempt! Fiction is always a tough one to tackle, but I like the style you have going!

And as for Mister Poet Manque...wow. Very well written!

Psst, I did a vector of Paul Walker! Haha and surprisingly didn't faint in between :P <3

preposterous girl said...

Hey. I have something for u..check it out http://tinyurl.com/rab6fr

the poet manque said...

how about u continue the story and i will carry on the rhyme?

Sathana said...

story was cool,i think u must elaborate it still more

Dazed by the Light I See... said...

@ Archana:
Thanks!!!
I saw the Paul Walker one and it took by breath away!!! I like, I like!!! I love him *doe eyed*

@ Preposterous Girl:
Thanks a million for the award... You made me smile :)

@ Poet Manque:
Why do you always scare me :P ???
I will surely do so, just need a little time to get into my creative moods...

@Sathana:
I agree with you... I need to elaborate... I hope to do a better job when i sit editing it again and also taking the story further...

@ All of you:
Thank you for your ever precious comments... Makes my day and also provides me with useful insights!!!

the poet manque said...

do i scare u?


i knw m a freak but din shw my devil side

neways will be waitin juzt a clik away
awaits maanque

the poet manque said...

and why din ya add me on facebook?

now that scares me duh!

Dazed by the Light I See... said...

I will... wait lemme log on fb!!

ScarletTd1ar1es said...

sweet...get going on fiction again...

Chriz said...

was there a peeping tom outside the window?

nice work here for a first timer...

doesnt matter if it was the first time.. as long as you guide the reader till the end of the post like you did with this one, you are always a professional...


cheers to the fiction work

chronicwriter

KAMONASISH AAYUSH MAZUMDAR said...

hmm nice, sweet and short :)

by the way, after the first couple of lines, i thought to myself- hmm, mills and boon :P
thank god, u proved me rong at the end of it all.

Dazed by the Light I See... said...

Thanks all!!!

अनिल कान्त : said...

wow gr8

lovely....i like the way u write

अनिल कान्त : said...

nice job and nice post....like ur blog

मेरी कलम - मेरी अभिव्यक्ति

sibasish padhy said...

purely awesome work.

should try more inspirational writing(fictional).

Yours is one of the few blogs which motivated me to join blogspot.

Dazed by the Light I See... said...

@ Anil:
Thank you!!

@ Sibashish:
I am honoured!!! And thank you!!!